Journal

Journal #1 I am.... I wish I was something special. I wish I could tell you I’m an amazing person because I do try to be, but I am not. At this point in my life, I’m just trying to figure myself out, and it’s taking a lot of mistakes to do so. I want to finally find myself, and for once, like who I am. I’m still trying to figure myself out. Every time I find happiness, I ruin it. I’d like to find a religion that suits me so I have something to believe in. I’m very shy until you get to know me, and I’m awkward. I will disappoint you. I HATE LIARS. I laugh at everything. I’m a very jealous person and I’m paranoid. I AM EXTREMELY STUBBORN. I get attached to people way too quickly and I get hurt very easily for that reason. If I tell you I love you, I mean it. If we have any sort of memory together, I'll remember it forever. I’ll probably never trust you, I’ve been hurt and lied to, too many times. I'm tired of trying so hard, and getting nowhere. And I'm tired of being let down. I’ve been a guitar player for over a year now, and I hate war and fighting. I don't drink and I do smoke. I want to see the sunset over the ocean. I try my hardest to be the nicest person that I can be. I get myself into the most complicated situations. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME THEY'RE GOING TO CALL, AND THEY DON'T. I'd like to be the most important person in someone's life. I WANT TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY. ........................................................... Journal #2 ugh i am tired of people thinking that i am weak and cant do anything about it if they ever did realy piss me off i would beat there ass even though i promised to not ever fight uless it was for a good reason. i selpt ok yesteday and woke up with scratch marks from my fuck buddy it makes me angrywhen people think i am a virgin owell i should take that as a compliment cause that means i am deceivingly innocent in reality im an evil child i like the idea of someone watching me well i have sex when i have sex i like to you chains and handcuffs dose that make me a bad person? Journal 3 I feel that no one cares about me my life sucks ive been have suicidal thoughts recently and its been realy disturbing i sometime think i can hear the faint echo of a voice even though i know its not there might just be my mind.I feel like no one understands me or the things i do i fall in love blindly and for that i am engaged but i dont think i want to marry yet but to prove i love this girl i will i guess the only reason i have not killed my self yet is that i have her and my family to live for if they werent there id go stright back to useing and O.D and die fucked up.

Journal 4 So i got my fucking phone chucked at my face and now i have a sore lip it puffy and it hurt so recentaly i have been gong for an girl i see i am noticing me becoming more of an asshole and mor e depressed maybe its cause i have been having c ravenings and it has affected my more i got a subscriptions to popular mechanics and i have read it so i also go my cig rolling machine with canadaian papers i am in a good mood so ya ugh :(